So Let's Talk about the State of OUR Nation First

In the past few months, I have been crudely exposed to the harsh realities of this nation I call my home. Looking at the systems in our society, and the monies being allocated to them shows a REAL polarity that benefits those who have the most wealth and power, to the extent that new proposed allocation of federal funds are threatening to solidify these murky 'lines in the sand' as it were. So what about talks of fully privatizing college education? I mean, this is a tangible example of an effort to keep the power where it is. I mean, what about equality? What about the people who don't have rich relatives, and are struggling to make ends meet? The people who rely upon government systems put in place to give a little bit of solace to the disenfranchised? I mean, it's already hard to reach these people and tell them about the non-profit educational programs that are out there, and the certain need for education to get them the potential to get out of the hole that they are in.This isn't even brushing the surface of the disdain and hatred that I have for the 'for-profit' schooling. I think these types of schooling are directly aimed at these truly 'bottom of the barrel' older aged people who think that is all they can do for themselves. Okay, I think it's one thing to go to a 'for-profit' for a technical skill, or something like business/marketing because it is empirically shown that the people who get these technical degrees from these schools, do get into the workforce (at least a little under half of the people who get a 'for-profit' school degree, get into the work force). But for these FP institutions to add truly academic/scholarly fields of study? I mean it's like providing false hope to the people that need it most. I have asked various college professors in my fields of study how a 'for-profit' degree in my field would look in comparison to one from a 'traditional NP University'. It was a hands down unanimous, that doesn't account for much of anything. Especially in the social sciences as it relates to the online type of schooling. I mean, can you really sit there and say, yeah, I had the adequate exposure to people that I needed to get a degree in psychology. NO. Someone who does magically get into a graduate program at a traditional NP school would certainly not be ready for the work load that is entailed in those programs. So, okay say you stay in FP until you get your Ph.D. That REALLY won't account for much if say you want to be a counselor. It is going to take some REAL networking prowess to get your foot in ANY door for internship and residency. And let's not even get into how these worst off people are going to pay their loans back to these FP's. Some of these FP's have agreements with banks, and suggest their students take out private loans (at extreme interest rates) to pay for their schooling. Also the sheer PRICE of FP schools should turn the avg person away from it, but these disenfranchised people aren't going to access the appropriate avenues to 'compare prices' most don't even know the difference. I mean look at some of these FP commercials and compare them to NP commercials. I mean who are we kidding? "I'm not sayin', but I'M SAYIN'":

 Itt-tech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OguMsugH12s&feature=related

Devry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C28xiNoksqU

Everest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12YQy0suTP4&feature=related

University of Phoenix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTrAZSg6hAo

Compared to NP:

UNC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZXYY34Jp3A

University of Michigan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNie76fsmNM

UC Berkeley:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anelaFYOpy0

FSU:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8M00staUnE

One can see the obvious difference between the 'type' of audience these schools advertise to. WHY do we as a people let this happen? WHY?? There are SO many more issues with the FP schooling that I am impassioned to get out there, but instead of reading my rant; watch this:

A little less Rant, a little more fact:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/collegeinc/

We are also hit with the big question of how to do ANYTHING about it, well, I will digress, and let you figure it out from here. Take it away.

On the Brink of the Final Semester of my Life as an Undergraduate...

And I am quite underwhelmed. Not because of the course load, or because of all the 'extra' time that will be spent on academic extracurricular activities and wedding planning, but because I thought this was supposed to feel different, you know? I thought that embarking on your final semester as an undergraduate was supposed to feel exciting, nerve racking, and rewarding. I feel none of these things about the impending semester. I feel like it will go so quickly that I will not even get the chance to look up until I am walking across the stage in December. With 6 courses (which translates to 18 credit hours), both an ethics debate team and an honors thesis outside of the 6 classes, wedding planning, oh and lets not forget the application process for graduate school, I am bound to feel like I am continuously running out of time. With all of that said, I am ready to be done with this part of my life, and eagerly anticipating the next leg of this journey.
I am anticipating next week though! I get to go to Raleigh and catch up with one of my closest friends that I haven't seen in a year, and haven't had any one-on-one time since I can't even remember!!! That will be nice, because I have missed her tons. Also, she exclusively knows exactly what I want my hair to look like, and makes a masterpiece outta the mess she is given! I can't wait to feel pretty :)
In other news, I have basically accomplished the goals that I set for myself this summer. I have gotten a TON of rest and relaxation, I have worked on both theses, gotten ahead with the wedding planning, and even got another kitten (by happenstance, but still amazing), so I am ready for the beginning of this semester. ANNOYING: I am still waiting for a response with my first thesis so we can set up a meeting where we can construct the plan for the data collection once the semester begins. This could mean that my draft was so bad, she is trying to figure out how to guide me, or it could mean she is trying to soak up the last little bit of summer that she can. We will see I presume, blah.

Hey before I end this short but sweet update, I would like to shamelessly plug Ritchie & I's wedding site... CHECK IT OUT! Gives you a ton of info about us and what we refer to 'The Big W'. I would like to especially point out the gift information tab! LOL okay, here's the link:

http://radtiestheknot.weebly.com/index.html

Okay, without further ado.... LYRICS!


Robert's got a quick hand
He'll look around the room
He won't tell you his plan
He's got a rolled cigarette hanging out of his mouth
He's a cowboy kid
He found a six-shooter gun
In his dad's closet hidden in a box of fun things, I don't know what
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you

"All the other kids with your pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet
All the other kids with the yoour pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet"

Daddy works a long day
He'll be coming home late, Yeah he's coming home late
And he's bringing me a surprise,
Cause dinner's in the kitchen and it's packed in ice
I've waited for a long time
Yeah the slight of my hand is now the pull of a trigger
I reason with my cigarette
And say your hair's on fire, you must of lost your wit, yeah

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks,
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with your pumped up kicks,
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet."
-Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People 

I know, it's a lil' dark, but as I realized, there are various ways to interpret these lyrics. I am feeling it right now... can't get the dang song out of my head. Think about the underdog sometimes people.

Until Next Time,
-Desi

Do you REALLY want to know me? Here.

This Blog get's real from the start:

During this last month and a half, I've been facing my longstanding 'hurdles' that are hindering my furthered success. By success, I mean emotional transparency, the ability to clearly communicate, and honing the ability to take myself seriously with some sort of consistency. I have realized that a lot of the problem lies in the way that I have been dealing with my self-concept, and handling tough situations growing up. I realized that all of my life (from as far as I can remember) I have always wanted immediate validation. Not just from anyone, I wanted it from people that I thought I would never get it from. So I pushed myself above and beyond just to get that extra validation I needed. However, once I got the validation that I needed from the person/people I wanted it from, it didn't mean as much as I thought it would. So then it would be time to put the peddle to the metal once more, with a new target at hand. The cycle continued all through my school years, up until a few years ago. In saying this, I realize that I had never really been living for ME. I had never taken into consideration my whole life whether or not the decisions that I was choosing to make were the ones that I wanted REGARDLESS of the effect that it had on the people around me. Claiming and accepting that as part of my past, I am able to learn from it for my present and future. I am able to really think about what I WANT and what I need to do in order to get to where I want to be before I make the life changing decisions, which is a totally liberating feeling.

I also have a big problem with second guessing myself. It's definitely to a fault. Something that I knew I knew, I would second guess if it came into public discussion. Although, I think that has a lot to do with the validation thing, in that it's almost like I require at least one person to be in agreement with me before I state my educated opinion on something. I don't know why at times I am so confident (when I am alone thinking and writing) and completely opposite in certain public forums, though to me it does make sense in tying to the whole validation thing. This part of me is a little more difficult to delve into, and will take a lot more thought and meditation, I know I will learn from this and grow.

I am just BARELY scraping the surface here with these issues, and am intrigued, nervous, and excited to really get to the bottom of these things. I know this must be entertaining to read at some level, but it is very serious to me and I really am working on these things. An integral part of the process to me is documenting the progress, and that's where this comes in.

On a Lighter Note:

I have had success with my Psychology Honors Thesis (though I have burned so many bridges within that department) and I am very confident that this will go swimmingly. So even though standing up for myself, and taking myself seriously came a little late (okay, a ton late) and it ended up costing me my entire committee, I cannot be more inspired than I am with my new thesis advisor, and know that they really do have my best interest in mind. I can't wait until I am to the point of actually discussing the thesis and get some great feedback (and hopefully grades) for it.
Interestingly, I am a lot more interested in my Philosophy Honors Thesis. That is moving at a steady pace, but the topic is SO interesting to me. It encompasses the general majority of what I find interesting socially and culturally. I can't wait to delve more into that (and am glad that I have been given a structured timeline for the successful completion of it). So, am I going into Philosophy or Psychology for graduate school? WE WILL SEE who wants me. haha, yes my friends, I am leaving it up to the will of the institutions that I apply to.

ANNNND Finally, what you've been waiting for, the lyrics that are blaring loudly in my head (seriously, it was like blaring in my dream, I felt like I was there).



Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove, treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here, you'd think
Sure, she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got who's-its and what's-its galore
You want thing-a-mabobs?
I've got twenty
But who cares? No big deal. I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancin'
walkin' around on those
Whaddya call 'em? Oh, feet

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down the
What's that word again? Street
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free, wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?

Betcha on land they understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women, sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire, and why does it
What's the word? Burn

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love?
Love to explore that shore up above
Out of the sea, wish I could be
Part of that world


Part of Your World

-Little Mermaid

I don't know why it was blaring in there, but yes indeed, it was. Hope you take something from this, and hope at the very least you were entertained.


Ciao,
-Desi

I Like My Vegetables the Way I Like My Sex

Wet and Raw. Actually, I like my vegetables in a lot of different ways, a little spicy, or sweet, savory, hot, plain, by itself, or complimentary to a bigger meal. But this blog is not entirely about innuendo. This is about a couple more things. One being about how the more I think about it, the less that I believe I would like to be a therapist. I don't think that anyone should have the authority to 'train' people through whatever prescribed "therapeutic method" to make them a 'normal' member of society. I am not normal, what is normal? I believe that no one ought to be paid to do the things that therapists are to do. While making such grandiose claims, from the years of education that I have received in this major, and the many interactions with therapists (as a student & as a client) I fail to see what really makes therapists more 'fit' to assess the problems that people face and attempt to 'fix' it. Also, it's also not really 'fixing' anything if you really think about it. It is just perpetuating a status quo. I mean, you really can't quantify normal (outside of physical health measurements) and basing normal by what our society perpetuates is not right. With all of this said, I will not be a therapist. If I do go into Psychology, it will be only through research and more to do with public health and human sexuality. I don't know, but hey, at least I am still thinking about it.

The other thing that I wanted to touch on in this blog is how I need to find more things to do now in this last couple of months before my last semester of undergraduate studies! I've finally quit that horrible corporate cesspool of a tea job, and the summer school session I am taking is almost over. I have been marking my time by setting small goals to accomplish each day, but this is definitely getting old! Ritchie and I are going to start taking some dance classes together every now and again, and we are even discussing potentially having people over sometime. I am excited to have this time off and will bask in it because with the wedding coming up after the semester is out, once the fall semester starts, things will be pretty all over the place and I will likely not have anytime to look up, let alone think of things to do to pass the time.

So, there it is. An eye full (back to innuendo, wanted to end the blog the way I started it). Hopefully in the next short while, I will be able to update the blog a ton about my two theses and about wedding stuff (though it will be more of the former, because we want to leave a lot of mystery). I am loving my life, and it feels good to take myself more seriously.


And now for your creative minds, here is the song lyrics that sticks out to me at the moment. This song basically makes me feel like a badass:

It's all the same, only the names will change
Everyday it seems we're wasting away
Another place where the faces are so cold
I'd drive all night just to get back home

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone all you do is think

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back
I been everywhere, and I'm standing tall
I've seen a million faces an I've rocked them all

I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side
I'm wanted dead or alive
And I ride, dead or alive
I still drive, dead or alive

Wanted, Dead or Alive

-Bon Jovi

Hope I entertained you for at least 5 minutes. Until next time.

-D

Who Am I: Psychologist or Philosopher?

Right Now,

I am finding myself at a fork in the road about whether I want to go into Philosophy or Psychology. In a perfect world I would like to integrate perspectives from both disciplines and do most of my writings and research on Critical Race Theory, Feminist Theory, and Human Sexuality (in no particular order). I am attempting an undergraduate thesis in Philosophy that will attempt to do this. I will use this experience as a preview to how things may be attempting to merge these two ideas. The real problem is that I do want to go into Counseling, so I have a slight affinity to the discipline of Psychology. With that said, my undergraduate experiences with both of these departments are so opposing, where the Psychology department has been cold and stand off-ish, and the Philosophy department has been nothing but open and supportive of their students. I will have to decide what to do before August, since that is when I will be applying for graduate school. What I may end up doing is applying to both Philosophy AND Psychology programs, and seeing if any actually accept me. haha. TO BE CONTINUED..

The song I chose may not be as coordinated with this topic as it is inspiring to me:

Living on a Prayer

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

Tommy got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, it's tough

Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday
We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer
We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got
We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer
 

-Bon Jovi & Writers

Maybe I will figure this out. 

One Day.

~Ciao Ragazzi

3 MONTH's Ago

Was the last time I wrote in this biotch. I am in the middle of a cluster mess of a semester, so I am going to sit and declare myself too busy for this. BUSY! I need to have more a direction with this thing so that I am tempted to type more often.. what should it be?




Here is a little inspiration I am passing along. Let it move you, it will happen..

Let it Be


When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be


-The Beatles


Any suggestions on things to write about, let me know!


-Desi

I Am.

In this new year I have given myself a little bit of time to think about what I will do with this year, and I have come up with the following:

*Graduate (BS & BA)- FINALLY become a real adult.
*Actually make an effort to save money.
*Read More
*Depend on Television LESS.
*Devote more time to writing.
*Study for the re-GRE.
*Apply for grown-up college (Graduate Programs).
*Consistently take my vitamins.

With all this said, we will see how the story unfolds.

Now onto my favorite part of the entry.. the song that speaks to me:

"So, tell me is it right?
To feel like we're only getting smaller
And if we were to find the feeling
But I'm only treading water
We've made a few mistakes, it's not worth it to say
(we all fall for the sound)

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Believe the sound when the truth will send you falling
You see the lights but your mind isn't open
Now I hear you calling
We've made a few mistakes, it's not worth it to say
(we all fall for the sound)

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Open your eyes and let all the light in
Open your eyes up a little more
I'm sure it will soon come out

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Open your eyes and let all the light in
Open your eyes up a little more
I'm sure it will soon come out."

"Collapse"- Saosin


Bye Bye Ms. American Pie.