I woke up from an array of vivid and emotionally striking dreams with the need to write. I have been writing all over the place since I woke up about 2 hours ago. Have you ever had the feeling that you just need to write until you get it all out? Well, that's where I am right about now. My life has been all but boring this semester. There have been major life transitions, loss, success, sadness, and happiness. I have been disappointed in the fact that I have no papers written for conferences or journals. I am happy that I have hit my stride as far as my Graduate Assistant position is concerned. Grad school is very different than I expected in the sense that it is JUST like undergrad currently. I think that comes from my end a little, and the fact that I only took two courses, and am working part time currently, but the coursework for one of my classes is just not cutting it as far as difficulty level, and anytime I try to engage the professor, it is always met with negativity. This too shall pass. 
In other news, I started another blog. My new blog is going to be more about social, cultural, and sometimes political issues that spark my attention. It is there for me to exercise my writing skills and hopefully develop them over time. I only have one post and it was there basically to introduce myself to the blogoshpere. I am glad that I am able to still have these times where I am just driven to write. I was definitely in a fit of depressive thoughts, and to be on this writing role is very refreshing. 
As far as domestics are concerned, seasons change, mad things rearrange. That is the short and fat of it. What I can say about it online and for anyone to see, is that this is a real learning journey, and I am discovering things about myself that I had no idea were actually there. So, there are really hard times, really rough things were said and done, but at the end of the day, I will rest assured that I will always have me.

Song lyric selections come from the group Dead Poetic. Enjoy:

Feeling cold, feeling empty. Set the stage, where you want me.
And this crowd right before me doesn’t care that I’m dying.
And the audience stands with their eyes fixed on the preconceived version of me.
I’m so betrayed by your hopes, but I will not hide myself for your peace of mind.

Oh, but Child. I’ve got Vices like any other man.

Raise a boy to a cynic. Take his love, and then let it turn into something passionate.
Something sick, something rabid.
And I vent to keep myself from caving. I don’t hate you, I just hate where I’m heading.
I’m left here asking, when did I trade in my bleeding heart for a selfish win?

Oh, but Mother. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think less of me.

Leave me numb. Leave me jaded. She’s a dream, I just play dead.
I’ve been blessed, I’ve been hated. She’s the constant, and I’m her addict.
She’s the only peace in this world, uneasy.
While I bite my tongue to keep from breaking the heart that I’ve spent my whole life seeking.
The only heart I’ve ever needed.

Oh, but Lover. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think...
Oh, but Lover. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think less of me. Less of me.

Feeling cold, feeling empty. I am low, unworthy.
Bleed the God. Bleed the blessing. Like a vulture feasting.
I’ll exist as if I don’t feel conviction of my ignorance to my perfect prison.
But I feel the stabs on my wrists and ankles every time I try...

To forget you. To forget you.

Oh, but Jesus. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re so used to. Vices that won’t make you think less of me.

-Vices, by Dead Poetic

And then there's:

Paint the lines on perfect eyes that circle the object of
My sincere affection, my undivided attention.

Lie where you won’t see yourself in that way.
And we’ll ride to somewhere.

All we are is paralyzed from the face down.
We’re still alive with our fake smiles.
When the camera’s away.

Don’t remember this. No, don’t remember this.
We are losing it all, but we are gaining the world with our hands tied.
Your arms placed upon mine.
And the sky looks so right, and you’re mine tonight.

Lie where you won’t see yourself in that way.
And we’ll ride...

All we are is paralyzed from the face down.
We’re still alive with our fake smiles.
When the camera’s away.

-Paralytic, by Dead Poetic

These are the songs that have been resonating in my mind and heart since I got out of bed this morning. To try and unpack what these two songs mean to me today in this capacity would be too much, too close, and too soon. What I hope you can take away from these lyrics is that I am dealing with my life, the best way I know how.

Ciao,
-Desi